Day 14-16: Scared as Shit

Hopefully I can get back to remembering/not being lazy and blog at night.

I have been struggling lately. A lot.

I go back to work full time on Tuesday. I'm excited to start this new chapter, but so scared of the unknown. I am very much a creature of habit and have a nice cushy routine that I have literally been on for almost 2 years. And for that to change, I'm nervous.

I'm nervous about leaving my kid.

I'm nervous about working full time.

I'm nervous about not reaching my potential.

I know I have support, but sometimes, I feel like I'm the only one who just keeps looking at myself and saying "you can do this". I know my husband is supportive and he's totally okay with this. I know I'm not the first mom in the history of the world who went back to work. But I feel like I'm the only mom who's making the choice to work. I don't have to. I don't need to work full time. I don't need to work even part time. I don't need to work. I want to work. I'm tired of only talking to my kid or kids at work. I rarely get to chat with friends unless our kids are involved.

I want to talk to people. Talk to people about things other than tantrums, cheese strings, and poop.

I'm hoping that once I'm totally into the routine it will be easier. I know it's never going to be totally easy. It's going to suck going from taking my kid wherever I want during business hours to having to do stuff on the weekends like the rest of the population.

I'm so nervous. Hopefully I made the right choice.

-Bailey

ps. I know there isn't anything in here about my diet, but I'm hoping you can surmise that it hasn't been great and I've gotten on and off this bandwagon so much that I have bruises.

Days 9-13: Sushi, Crab Enchiladas and Getting Lost in the Ladies Changeroom

Whoa. It's been awhile since I've been on here. I mean, almost a week right? Well today is day 14. I still feel like I'm struggling. I don't know what my issue is. But lets get back to last week.

After my amazing lettuce burger (still drooling over it) I headed out to Saskatoon with my sis for a family thing. Well, the evening we arrived, we were treated to a delicious all you can eat sushi dinner. Now, I can eat A LOT of sushi. It's so good. Wasabi?! YES PLEASE! I ate and ate and ate. I was so happy I wore stretchy pants. Otherwise, I think I may have exploded like an overstuffed sausage.

I managed to hit up the Saskatoon Goodlife Fitness on Saturday morning and may I just say, this place is GIANT. I actually got lost in the ladies changing area. I mean, there was a hallway I thought may have been another exit, and it turns out it's just the door to the janitorial supplies. Oops.

Once I managed to find my way out, I had a pretty awesome chest and tricep day. Although I was feeling kind of weak by my second and third sets of skull crushers, I think it went pretty decently.

That afternoon, I devoured a GIANT crab enchilada. Thanks Amigos! So delicious. I mean, this thing was the size of a new born child and I ordered 2. I ate so much food. Then sat in a car for 5 hours. Followed by a disappointing salad from Sobeys. It was a day.

Gym days have been pretty typical lately. Nothing new there. I have been managing to eat what I feel is complete and udder crap. Candy and chippies. I try so hard to be strong when my man is home from work. But I struggle to watch him eat a pint of ice cream and not have a little sumthin' sum thin' of my own. Ugh. As I do every wednesday, I say to myself, I will do better next week.

Today hasn't been terrible so far. I stuffed a giant bagel and cream cheese in my mouth while driving the car because I read the schedule wrong and was supposed to work. Then sushi and being force fed goldfish crackers by my kid. I'm hoping for some BBQ chicken and roasted brussel sprouts tonight. I feel like I just need healthy food even though my body is like "you want chicken nuggets and friiiiiies. YOU NEED CHICKEN NUGGETS AND FRIES".

Shut up body. You'll like what I give you.

-Bailey

Day 7: My Legs, My Back, My Protein, and My Carbs

Day 7: One week Later...

Today was an awesome leg day at the gym. Cranked out quite a few squats at 75lbs. Going to hopefully attempt 85lbs next week!

Tried a new exercise today too. Cable pull throughs. I was hoping to target my hamstrings, which is always a fun thing to do, but it turns out this is for a good ol booty! I think I was doing it wrong as I mostly felt awkward and that I was going to give myself a giant crotch wedgie...I'm planning to attempt it again hopefully, and maybe get my form a little better.

Not what I looked like while doing this.

A friend of mine wanted to try holding a back extension for 3 minutes today, and I figured, I can do that. Well about 30 seconds in, I was wondering what the hell I just agreed to. It was awful. Man oh man, that is killer. I feel like my butt is going to be hella sore this weekend.

It wasn't as stressful a day as there have been in the past week, but there was a lot of errand doing. And errand doing always results in crappy lunch choices. Today after some googling (while waiting in the parking lot of Rona) I found that McDonalds has a new chicken sandwich called the 12. It has only 400 calories for the sandwich if you get the grilled one. I got that one today, with no sauce, but I can't find the nutritional info for no sauce on it. I'm considering it minus 100 calories since that's how much McChicken sauce is, a whole mcdonalds sandwich for 300 cals, isn't half bad. And the sandwich wasn't terrible either.

I had a snack of some pretzel sticks and whipped peanut butter, and a babybel cheese (yum!). I ended up enjoying some pizza tonight with my folks before they head out of town tomorrow. PS. The pizza was delicious. I ain't even sorry.

Tomorrow will be cardio time at the gym, with a little back and biceps. I'm hoping that I'll be able to check out the Goodlife in Saskatoon this weekend if I have some time. Always enjoy checking out other facilities.

My snack tonight will be some protein and some glutamine. Because I'm lazy and that's what I made.

-Bailey